It really seems to me that the only solution is to leave the abuser. Not easy at all to do, I know from experience, but the only answer! At least leave and not return until he shows sincere and persistent change. Even then be very careful!!!
Thank you, Kathleen, for sharing your thoughts! In many cases leaving is the only option, but in other cases the situation is more complicated, so the decision to stay or go is truly an individual one, to be made through deep prayer. We also need to keep in mind that leaving is the most physically dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship, so she has to have outside support, protection, and a thorough safety plan (there's a sample safety plan in my book, Don't Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns).
On the other side of the issue, another aspect to pray about is the call to help our spouses become holy. The Bible calls partners to help each other reach heaven, to grow in virtue and charity. Enabling someone to continue sinning by allowing them to continue abusing us isn't making our spouse holy--it is not helping their souls reach heaven. Galatians 6:1 says, "If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness." Sometimes restoring someone caught in the transgression of abuse means having to physically separate ourselves from the situation and thereby eliminating their "near occasion of sin." Question 771 of the Baltimore Catechism is "What do you mean by the near occasions of sin?" The answer is, "By the near occasions of sin I mean all the persons, places and things that may easily lead us into sin." In this case, the target of the abuse.
Code of Canon law 1153 states: " If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay."
It really seems to me that the only solution is to leave the abuser. Not easy at all to do, I know from experience, but the only answer! At least leave and not return until he shows sincere and persistent change. Even then be very careful!!!
Thank you, Kathleen, for sharing your thoughts! In many cases leaving is the only option, but in other cases the situation is more complicated, so the decision to stay or go is truly an individual one, to be made through deep prayer. We also need to keep in mind that leaving is the most physically dangerous time for a woman in an abusive relationship, so she has to have outside support, protection, and a thorough safety plan (there's a sample safety plan in my book, Don't Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns).
On the other side of the issue, another aspect to pray about is the call to help our spouses become holy. The Bible calls partners to help each other reach heaven, to grow in virtue and charity. Enabling someone to continue sinning by allowing them to continue abusing us isn't making our spouse holy--it is not helping their souls reach heaven. Galatians 6:1 says, "If anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness." Sometimes restoring someone caught in the transgression of abuse means having to physically separate ourselves from the situation and thereby eliminating their "near occasion of sin." Question 771 of the Baltimore Catechism is "What do you mean by the near occasions of sin?" The answer is, "By the near occasions of sin I mean all the persons, places and things that may easily lead us into sin." In this case, the target of the abuse.
Code of Canon law 1153 states: " If either of the spouses causes grave mental or physical danger to the other spouse or to the offspring or otherwise renders common life too difficult, that spouse gives the other a legitimate cause for leaving, either by decree of the local ordinary or even on his or her own authority if there is danger in delay."
This makes sense and helps! Thanks!!!