Why Motivations Matter, Part 1: The Clueless Gaslighter
Do people engage in gaslighting behaviors because they’re inherently cruel, sadistic or narcissistic? In the 1944 film Gaslight the main character, Gregory—played by Charles Boyer—certainly is cruel. He purposely manipulates his wife through visual, auditory and emotional illusions, crafting situations to make her distrust herself and to progressively convince her she’s going insane.
First he love bombs Paula—played by Ingrid Bergman—and, through his manipulations, convinces her to marry him. Aware of a treasure hidden in the attic of the house left to Paula by her aunt, he then manipulates her into moving into the home.
From there, he proceeds to do all sorts of things to get Paula to doubt her reality and her sanity, with a goal of getting her removed from the home so he can have unrestricted access to the treasure he hopes to find. Pictures disappear from the walls, Paula hears unexpected noises, and even jewelry goes missing—only to mysteriously appear again. Then the gaslights in the house begin flickering, but no one else notices except Paula—or so Gregory claims. He tells her she’s imagining all these things, and convinces her that she’s not well and should stay home where it’s safe (which is the typical tactic of abuse isolation). Paula doubts her own reality, her sense of self, and her sanity.
The main character in Gaslight purposely manipulates his wife with one self-centered goal in mind—to steal her inheritance. His motivations are cold, calculating and cruel.
While there certainly are people who intentionally seek to gaslight others in order to attain their own nefarious goals, those people are the exception, not the rule. Many people aren’t even aware that they’re gaslighting their loved ones or co-workers, while others are somewhat aware, but not fully cognizant of the negative effects their actions have on others. In this article I’ll discuss what I call the “clueless gaslighter,” and in next week’s article we’ll dive into the “somewhat aware” gaslighter—including the motivations behind their behaviors.
Regardless of the level of awareness someone may have, manipulation is always a form of covert abuse; it’s stealthy, confusing and destructive. The gaslightee often has a feeling that something isn’t quite right, yet she can’t put a name to what that something actually is.
