Psychological Physical Violence Can Be a Sign of More to Come
Physical violence always creates physical wounds, right? Maybe not ...
Physical violence should be clear-cut, shouldn’t it? If you’re being punched, kicked, strangled, threatened with a weapon, or enduring any other sort of bodily harm, you’re being physically abused. If you’re body isn’t battered, then you’re not being physically abused. Right?
Well, not exactly.
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The most obvious tactics are easier to spot, yet physical abuse can come in other forms as well. If a person threatens violence in order to intimidate, terrorize, and control his partner, he’s committing a covert form of physical abuse. Even if he doesn’t touch her, he’s still being physically aggressive.
I call this psychological physical violence (PPV).
Many manipulative personalities use the tactic of PPV to forcefully coerce a partner into submission. This type of intimidation can take the form of damaging property by punching holes in walls, breaking furniture, or throwing items across the room so they dramatically smash to pieces. An abuser may purposely destroy electronics, precious ornaments, photographs, or other items of emotional value, or attack pets. Picking locks to get at their target is another common tactic, as is violently slamming doors, especially when it causes the door or doorframe to crack and splinter.
Using PPV has many advantages for the abuser. It allows him to physically attack and terrorize his victim without feeling the shame of actually laying a hand on her or having to look at the bruises he created. Quite often his excuse for his excessive behaviour is “I was just blowing off steam” or “all guys do this when they’re upset.”
Notice the minimizing language that’s so typical of manipulators:
Merely “blowing off steam” rather than raging, and “upset” rather than “infuriated.”
Is he right? Do all guys punch holes in walls, hurl objects across the room, or kick the cat when they need to “blow off steam”?
Uh, no. Not by a long shot. These are actions of an enraged abusive personality, not of someone with a healthy and justified anger which can be resolved through open and loving communication.