Breaking the Bonds of Silence
"While I, spurred on by yet another thirst, kept silent ..." (Dante, Purgatorio XVIII)
Silence is golden, is it not? At least that’s what the Scottish historian and poet, Thomas Carlyle, supposedly claimed. This statement seems particularly fitting in homes where emotional, verbal and psychological damage is perpetrated on a regular basis. The victims of such abuse have learned the hard way that staying silent means staying safe.
And quite often, that’s true—at least when interacting with the person committing the abuse.
However, silence can also keep us chained up within ourselves. Lost in a whirl of shame or fear about our situation, we often keep silent even when we’re around people who are safe, nurturing, and empathetic. If we keep silent out of fear or misplaced piety, the lack of interaction with others can prove to be a trap of isolation which only increases the effects of domestic abuse.
When we should speak—and when we should keep silent
As always, Sacred Scripture is our ultimate discernment tool when knowing when to speak—and who we should be speaking to. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us:
All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven … A time to keep silence, and a time to speak (1,7).
Speaking to others—those who have been tested in virtue and steadfastness and are known to be trustworthy—can help relieve our inner burdens and clarify our needs. As St. Thomas Aquinas wrote:
A hurtful thing hurts yet more if we keep it shut up, because the soul is more intent on it: whereas if it be allowed to escape, the soul’s intention is dispersed as it were on outward things, so that the inward sorrow is lessened.
(Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae I-II, Q. 38)
But how do we find safe people? And, after all the confusion of gaslighting, manipulation, and crazy-making, how can we manage to free our hearts from the chronic mistrust we’ve developed?
