In this second interview with Missio Dei, Jonathon Fessenden asked me about Catholic annulments, what it takes for someone who has been abusive to change (*spoiler alert: a lot, but it can be done), reclaiming lost interests and a sense of self, overcoming adversity, and inner healing.
Catholic annulments is a topic that’s often misunderstood. So many people think an annulment is a “Catholic divorce,” or that the marriage never truly existed. Both misconceptions are far from the truth.
A declaration of nullity doesn’t erase your relationship as if it never existed, it doesn’t invalidate your children, and it doesn’t ignore all the love, sacrifice, and effort you put into your marriage. All your love and hard work remains and can never be voided. Understanding what the sacrament of marriage is—and what conditions have to be in place at the time of the vows in order to make the marriage a sacrament—help Catholics to heal from any feelings of guilt or anger they may experience after the necessity of divorce. In the words of Monsignor Charles Pope:
There are a number of impediments that can render a vow invalid.
Situations such as prior marriage, consanguinity (too close in the blood lines), minor status (too young), incapacity for the marriage act, and lying or failing to disclose important information to the future spouse, all need to be considered.
Further, it is widely held that when one or both parties are compelled to enter the marriage or that they display a grave lack of due discretion on account of immaturity or poor formation, that such marriages are null on these grounds. All these are ways that the Church, using her power to bind and loose, comes to a determination that what appeared to be a marriage externally was not in fact so based on evidence
Jonathon and I also talk about trust within relationships, the possibility of rebuilding a marriage after the betrayal of abuse—if the abusive partner is willing to undergo an authentic conversion and full repentance of all the damage that has been done—and individual healing.
Resources:
St. Pope JPII's Theology of the Body
Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christoper West
Christoper West's TOB Institute
Talking with Missio Dei About Healing from Domestic Abuse