Projection and the Shadow Side
One of the most frustrating aspects of being close to someone with an abusive mindset is their inclination to project their faults and indiscretions onto others. They seem to be experts, and even believe their own distorted opinions. Attributing their faults onto others, they craftily blame-shift and sow confusion in the minds of their targets.
I recently read an intriguing chapter in Saint Catherine of Siena: Mystic of Fire, Preacher of Freedom by Paul Murray, OP. In this book he compares the writings of St. Catherine to psychiatrist Carl Jung’s study on the shadow side.
The shadow aspect of our nature, which needs to be acknowledged with humility and courage is, according to Jung, ‘that dark half of the psyche which we invariably get rid of by means of projection.’ That means, in practice, ‘burdening our neighbors … with all the faults which we obviously have ourselves.’ Jung points out that ‘if the individual is to take stock of himself it is essential that his projections should be recognized,’ for two reasons: first of all, because the face of the neighbor has been falsified by the projection, and second, because the things that have been projected belong to one’s own personality and need to be integrated with it. ‘This,’ Jung remarks, ‘is one of the most important phases in the wearisome process of self-knowledge.’
Without humility, without the ability to self-reflect and recognize projection, without the desire for true self-knowledge, toxic behaviors will continue to be inflicted upon others.
Although the psychological phrase “projection” wasn’t used in St. Catherine of Siena’s fourteenth century world, the theme of the dark half of the psyche is peppered throughout her writings. When we ignore the negative aspects of ourselves, and instead blame others for our own shortcomings, we “wickedly pass judgment on our neighbors and on God’s servants and on the servants of the world, and we aren’t even aware of it. We would steal the right of judgment from God’s hand—for only God has the right to judge,” as she wrote in a letter to Matteo di Tomuccio. When this happens, “we are deluded by the pride within us. If we were truly humble, grounded in true self-knowledge, we would be ashamed to see ourselves being so judgmental, because we would see that it is tantamount to wanting to make rules for God.”
St. Catherine is blunt, bold, and to the point. Regarding people who refuse humility and instead insist on indulging in their “selfish self-will,” Catherine states that these people act “stupid and idiotic and presumptuous.”
She continues:
They have no perception yet of themselves, and still they want to investigate the affairs of others under the pretext of doing good! They are allowing themselves to be blown about by this perverse wind that is so dangerous. Oh cursed mouth! How you have poisoned the world with your stench! And after they have passed judgment in their heart, they belch out the stench of their grumbling, leaving their minds empty and scandalized over God and their neighbors … from their cursed mouth comes a whining, self-conceited envy of their neighbors, frequently resulting in hatred and rancor toward their neighbors. Often they claim for themselves what belongs to others, and to obtain these things they make use of oaths and perjury and lying testimony … Such people have no stability at all … Their heart becomes suspicious, and their tongue grumbles and curses, believing that what is in themselves is also in the other person.
As I said, our feisty fourteenth century saint pulls no punches. She may have been small in stature, but she certainly wasn’t little.
In another letter, this one to Bishop Angelo Ricasoli, St. Catherine discusses those people who indulge in their shadow side rather than in the light of Truth. These are the “people who follow the world … they would rather offend their Creator or see Him offended than incur the displeasure of other people or lose their standing.” She goes on to state that these people “love themselves selfishly. They love God selfishly. They love their neighbors selfishly.”
As a result of original sin, we all have a shadow side. The key is not to let it overtake us—just as we can’t let someone else’s shadow side overtake us.
I realize this is an enormous challenge if you’re still in a relationship with the person who uses projection to disparage and control you. However, there is a way out. Recognizing projection when it’s taking place, and admitting the truth of what’s happening, are basic and crucial first steps.
This acceptance is often difficult, yet it is essential. We have to see what we’re up against in order to combat it.
And how do we combat it? For St. Catherine, the answer lies in authentic self-knowledge, which is always rooted in knowledge of God. In a mystical vision she heard God the Father tell her, Never leave the knowledge of yourself. Then, put down as you are in the valley of humility you will know me in yourself, and from this knowledge you will draw all that you need.
In an earlier mystical revelation, God asked Catherine, “Do you know, daughter, who you are and who I am? If you know these two things you have beatitude in your grasp. You are she who is not, and I Am He Who Is. Let your soul but become penetrated with this truth, and the enemy can never lead you astray.”
When we come to truly know ourselves, to realize with our heart and not just our head that all we have is a grace from God, we realize we truly “are not.” We can do nothing on our own, but with Him we can do all things (Phil. 4:13). The knowledge that everything of goodness and virtue in our lives are graces from God helps release the hold gaslighting has on us. The Light of Truth illuminates the truth about ourselves, both our faults and our goodness. It’s then that we can stop shouldering the burdens of others, which is what we’re doing when we accept their accusations and projections. Through knowledge of self, rooted in knowledge of God, we can discard and renounce all the lies that have been attached to us. We can step into our true selves, as God made us.
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