Finding Your Joy, Part 1: Releasing Yourself from Functional Freeze
How can you get yourself back after the emotional and psychological effects of abuse—and do you even know who you truly are any longer? One of the major impacts of coercive control and domestic manipulation is just that—you’re so habituated to the enforced control that a lose your sense of you are, what you love, even how to enjoy life. Creative energy drains away; you feel like a shell of your former self. The weariness of maintaining a coherent daily life exhausts you to the core.
If you feel that way, you may be in functional freeze—on the outside everything appears fine, but inside … Not so much.
People go into functional freeze because there seems to be no other escape. Fleeing is impossible. Fighting will only create more damage and trauma. Freezing is often the only option when you’re trying to maintain a semblance of safety. It may not be the ideal solution (yet nothing is ideal in such an disordered situation), but it provides relief in the moment, helping to protect you from the full impact of repeated abuse.
Yet freezing—especially when the trauma response extends over weeks, months, or years—comes with consequences.
What Is Functional Freeze?
The best way to understand functional freeze is to think of it as going on autopilot. It’s difficult for outsiders to tell when you’re in functional freeze because it’s a state that looks normal—you do your household tasks, take the kids to school, maintain your prayer life, cook meals, and do whatever else needs to be accomplished—and you do it all in an efficient manner. You may even attend family gatherings or other social events, smiling and laughing as if all is right with your world.
Yet everything is frozen within your world. You can’t feel your smile, even when your lips turn upward; you can’t enjoy a laugh or even a cry.
In the words of one of my clients:
