We Know About Fight, Flight and Freeze—But What About Fawn?
We Know About Fight, Flight and Freeze—But What About Fawn?
I’ve written about the nervous system’s response to trauma in previous articles, and I think most of us are familiar with the concept of fight, flight and freeze. In a nutshell—and without getting into the weeds of neuroscience—fight, flight or freeze are all different ways the nervous system may respond to stressful, traumatic, terrifying, or dangerous situations.
Yet a fourth trauma response has also been identified, one that has received less attention but is far more common than many of us realize.
The Fawn Response to Trauma
“Fawning” is a trauma response first recognized and named by therapist Pete Walker in his seminal book Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. The fawn response is most often caused by childhood and/or complex adulthood trauma, both of which are the result of repeated relational mistreatment, abuse, or neglect. When faced with terrifying or overwhelming experiences, the nervous system of a traumatized person becomes dysregulated and defaults into fight, flight or freeze—or a constant state of fawn.
Fawning is a survival technique unconsciously used when fight, flight or freeze has proven ineffective. If we’re prone to fawning as a way to avoid conflict and try to survive the ordeal of complex and repeated chaos, trauma or abuse, in order to protect ourselves from more conflict we try to appease others and feel more secure in relationships by pleasing the individual who is threatening us. However, this results in a confusion or possibly loss of our own needs, boundaries, and preferences.
Yet sadly, fawning doesn’t stop toxic behaviors—in fact, it does the opposite. The person using manipulative techniques in a relationship receives the message that those techniques are working—and most often as a result, abusive behaviors ramp up.
Trauma Minimization is a Form of Fawning
It’s not uncommon for a survivor of trauma—particularly complex trauma—to minimize the toxic behaviors. Again, this isn’t intentional, and there can be several reasons minimization happens, including trauma brain (when the mind is in such a fog of gaslighting, confusion and toxicity that it fails to comprehend or remember certain things), a desire to avoid more conflict and just make people happy, and a desperate need for survival.
Minimization also helps us mitigate feelings of anger toward those who mistreat us. If it wasn’t “that bad,” then we have nothing to be angry about, right? People who lean toward a fawning trauma response quite often experience issues with anger, either feeling guilty for their justifiable reaction, or turning to self-blame rather than feeling upset with the true perpetrator. This is done in an unconscious effort to repress our own feelings in order to please another.
“Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others. They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preference, and boundaries.”
--Pete Walker
Special Offer!
For 10% off the cover price a signed copy of my book, Don’t Plant Your Seeds Among Thorns: A Catholic’s Guide to Recognizing and Healing from Domestic Abuse, use coupon code READ10.
If you’re a paid subscriber, contact me to receive an exclusive code that will give you a 20% discount.