Faith, Hope and Love vs. Doubt, Discouragement and Narcissism

Opposing the Theological Virtues

May 14, 2026

white and black dice with green and blue flowers — (Alex Shute / Unsplash)

The three theological virtues of faith, hope and love often meet resistance through their opposites—doubt, discouragement and narcissism.

The evil one is always trying to lure us toward discouragement. When we’re unwavering in our spiritual faith and the evil one realizes he can’t pry us away from God, he attempts instead to get us to doubt ourselves—our abilities, our worth, our God-given talents, our ministry, our ability to love and to be loved. If he can entice us to doubt those things, he can lead us away from doing the will of God.

For example, a man discerning his vocation to the priesthood begins to be obsessed with doubts about his ability and worth because of his faults. If he gives in to the doubt rather than taking his concerns to prayer and to the guidance of his spiritual director, he’ll be straying from the will of God and allowing temptation to overwhelm him. This happens often in the spiritual life, and we must be ever-vigilant in the proper discernment of spirits.

Discouragement is in opposition to the theological virtue of hope. In “Avoiding the Trap of Discouragement” I wrote about the temptation of despair, and how the evil one loves to disrupt and uproot the faithful by this means. “One of the devil’s biggest traps—a temptation he employs frequently—is that of discouragement. When we become discouraged, emotional exhaustion and spiritual apathy settle in. If we don’t recognize discouragement for what it is—a temptation to be avoided—and if we don’t fight against it through means of constant humble prayer, we are likely to sink lower into despondency.”

You know that discouragement is completely at odds with what you’ve always been taught. It’s a leprosy that dries up the soul and body and keeps us in continual torment. It ties the arms of holy desire and keeps us from doing what we would like to do. It makes us unbearable even to ourselves, with our spirit open to all sorts of assaults and imaginings. It robs us of supernatural light and obscures even natural light. And so it brings us to all sorts of unfaithfulness because we don’t know the truth with which God has created us—that in truth He created us to give us eternal life. With living faith, then, and with holy desire and firm trust in Christ’s Blood, let the devil of discouragement be vanquished.

(Saint Catherine of Siena, Letter T178 to Neri di Landoccio Pagliaresi, between September and November 1379; Vol IV, 264)

“So faith, hope, and love abide, these three: but the greatest of these is love.”

If the greatest virtue is love, then that which is most in opposition to the greatest virtue is narcissism.

Contrary to what many believe, authentic love isn’t merely an emotion. There certainly are feelings associated with love, such as compassion and empathy, but love itself isn’t a giddy rush of unformed emotion, nor is lack of love a lack of emotion. Love, as St. Thomas Aquinas famously formulated, is wishing the good of someone purely for the sake of their best interest. “To love is to wish good to someone … that which is loved with the love of friendship is loved simply and for itself” (Summa Theologiae I-II, q.26, a.4, co.).

The authentic love of friendship cannot tolerate narcissism. Someone high on the narcissistic spectrum is incapable of wishing the good of another because that good might detract from their own. The self-focused individual needs to be fed a steady diet of affirmation, regardless of how depleting or toxic their diet may be to others.

They consider it a matter of course that adult relatives, friends, or acquaintances should direct themselves to them and adjust themselves to their feelings … When adults do not orient themselves to them, they experience this as a shortcoming in the other—they feel that the other is lacking in love.

(Conrad Barrs, M.D. and Anna Terruwe, M.D., Healing the Unaffirmed).

Can someone change from an absorbed, self-focused person to an emotionally mature, loving adult? The answer depends on the individual and their unique circumstances. It’s important to understand that narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum, which is why I try to avoid the flat label “narcissist” whenever possible. To call someone a “narcissist” implies that they’re high on the scale, and perhaps even have a personality disorder—which isn’t necessarily true.

The difference between being high on the narcissistic spectrum versus being lower on the scale rests in the willingness and ability to take complete responsibility—without blame-shifting—for all negative behaviors, attitudes and traits. The individual must then initiate and welcome the painful path toward healing, including seeking the professional and spiritual help necessary for full integration of self. They have to admit their blame, take responsibility for the damage they’ve done, and seek full reparation.

What does our faith teach us about situations where someone refuses the theological virtue of love and is instead immersed in its opposite, that of unrepented narcissism? In the words of St. Thomas Aquinas, “When our friends fall into sin, we ought not deny them the amenities of friendship, so long as there is hope of their mending their ways … When, however, they fall into very great wickedness and become incurable, we ought no longer to show them friendliness” (Summa Theologiae II-II, q.25, a.6, ad.2).

Individuals with high narcissistic traits are broken, yet they can’t admit their brokenness. Instead they attempt to inject their dysfunction onto their victim, so they can then blame the victim for faults that are actually their own. Regarding people like this, the book of Proverbs reminds us, “Better a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of easting with strife” (Prov. 17:1) and “He who forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter alienates a friend” (Prov. 17:9).

Faith, hope, love. Doubt, discouragement, narcissism.

The path we take is up to us. In abusive relationships there are many things we cannot control, which causes great grief and suffering. Instead of focusing on that which we can’t control—and thereby increasing our suffering—fixing our gaze on what we can control helps us regain our footing and take back our true selves. Our inner and spiritual lives cannot be taken from us unless we release them. Remaining in faith, hope and love—even if others around us shun the virtues in preference for their opposite—will help keep us grounded in the One Great Truth. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose” (Rom. 8:28).