Christ-Centered Boundaries
Boundaries are often misunderstood. They're not established as a way of punishing another, or setting up rigid or retaliatory fences. Rather, boundaries are a necessary and healthy form of self-care that act as a safeguard protecting our hearts, our spirits and our souls. They’re a form of loving ourselves with a Christ-centered goodwill.
Yet whether or not boundaries are healthy—and how to set enforce them—can be confusing, especially in relationships in which one member is trying to control, gaslight, or otherwise manipulate the other.
It’s All About Intention
I’m often asked if setting boundaries is a Christ-like thing to do. After all, aren’t boundaries controlling or unfair? Should we really try to limit others?
The answer to those questions is deceptively simple—yet, at the same time, complex. Boundaries certainly can be controlling, if they’re used as a tool to manipulate another person. They can be weaponized as a means of limiting others and trying to force them to do something against their principals.
Yet those aren’t true boundaries—they’re just another means of power and control.
There’s an ocean of difference between toxic barriers and healthy boundaries.
I understand the huge concern many of us have around boundaries, especially those of us who are empaths. We seek peace and patience in our relationships, not discord or distance. We want health and healing, not harm or horror. Boundaries can go south quickly, so isn’t it better not to have any in the first place?
It’s true that healthy boundaries can be very difficult to set, enforce and maintain. Most targets of domestic abuse have a particularly difficult time setting personal limits, mainly because they tend to be highly empathetic and, quite often, were never taught how to establish proper boundaries in their childhood. “What do I do if my boundaries aren’t respected?” is another question I hear often from my clients, so I’ll address that concern in a future article.
To get back to the question of whether or not it’s worth it to set boundaries, the firm, definite, and unmovable answer is yes. Without boundaries, are hearts are an open target for all sorts of poisonous arrows and attacks. Walking around without healthy limits is like walking around without skin. If we do that we make ourselves vulnerable to attack, to wounds, to disease and decay. We wither, we un-become. Then we wonder: Where have I gone? What has happened to me?
In truth, healthy boundaries make us more Christ-like. When we insist upon healthy boundaries, we’re not controlling another person—we’re controlling our own lives, our health and healing, our prospering and spiritual rejuvenation.