Boundary Breakers: What to Do When Your Needs Aren't Respected
Boundaries are about changing your world, not changing other people.
Boundaries are essential to every relationship, but they’re also so much more than that. They’re a gift—to yourself, as well as to others. They protect your heart, nourish your soul, foster trust and responsibility, and are a true litmus test of authentic love.
“To love is to will the good of the other as other.”
(St. Thomas Aquinas)
But let’s face it—boundaries are hard to set and often even more difficult to maintain. This is particularly true if your boundaries aren’t respected or are flagrantly rejected. Some people refuse to take ownership of their lives, and instead turn to controlling others as a misguided way to feel in control of themselves. Of course, that never works, so they resort to increasing levels of control in order to maintain their inner—and outer—façade. When they know they can get away with something, they do—and they grasp for more. The old cliché “give an inch and they take a mile” is true in these cases.
If someone repeatedly and persistently tramples upon your boundaries, this speaks volumes about their character. They’re basically saying, “I can do what I want and to whoever I want” without regard for the feelings or needs of others. That should be a major red flag—after all, it’s the same attitude Adam and Eve had, and it caused them to commit the first sin. They didn’t respect God’s boundary of not eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil—and the result was disastrous for mankind.
Stay in control—the healthy way
Remaining firm with your boundaries means not allowing the noxious fumes of gaslighting to fill your head with a dizzying cloud of misgiving, doubt and brain fog.